These Dreams
by Saerry Snape
Summary: Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing. But are they for better or for worse? And what secret lurks behind these changes? A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.
1. Dreams in the Mist

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Dreams in the Mist ***

_~*~_

_Spare a little candle_

_Save some light for me_

_Figures up ahead_

_Moving in the trees_

_White skin in linen_

_Perfume on my wrist_

_And the full moon that hangs over_

_These dreams in the mist_

_~*~_

In Number 04 Privet Drive a fifteen-year-old boy struggled to complete his homework.  But this was no ordinary boy and no ordinary homework.  The homework was an essay on the effects of Wolfsbane if it was used in a Healing Potion.  And the boy was Harry Potter, one of the most famous wizards in the world.

Harry sighed and hunched over his Potions book, searching through every page for information for the two-scroll essay he had to write for Professor Snape, the Potions Master at Harry's school, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Sighing, he shoved the half-scroll he had written so far into the book, snapped it shut, and shoved it under his bed.  He rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head.  It was about 1:00 AM and Harry could clearly hear the sound of his cousin Dudley's snores in the room beyond.

Rolling over again, he looked across the room at the large calendar he had made to mark off the days until he returned to Hogwarts.  Only a few more days and he would be back.

Harry also noticed that he had been fifteen for an hour now.  Normally his friends Ron and Hermione would send him his birthday presents, along with the Hogwarts gamekeeper Hagrid and his godfather Sirius.  But Dumbledore had told them not to contact Harry over the summer and they hadn't.  Harry almost wished that his godfather _would_ contact him as he was worried sick about him as Sirius was still wanted for being the 'cause' of his, Harry's, parents death.

Suddenly a large barn owl landed outside his window, which had been barred yet again by Uncle Vernon.  Harry leapt up, half-hoping it was from Sirius.  But as he untied the letter from the owl's leg he saw the familiar envelope and Hogwarts crest.  Sighing, he opened it and skimmed through the familiar writing of Professor McGonagall while the barn owl hooted softly at him.

"Go on.  I haven't got anything for you."

The barn owl hooted indignantly and Hedwig screeched at it from her cage.  Harry quickly hushed her and waved a hand frantically at the barn owl.  He stuffed the Hogwarts letter into his pocket and looked for the sound of a door opening or footsteps.  After not hearing either after two minutes he relaxed and brushed his hair back from his face.

Ever since summer began his hair had been growing quicker than normal and was now hanging just below his shoulders.  Aunt Petunia had tried to cut it several times but as it had kept growing back she had given up on it.

Hedwig hooted wistfully and Harry walked over to her cage.  Reaching through the bars, he ran his hand through her snowy feathers and she gently nipped as his fingers.  He smiled at her and said, "Sorry I can't let you out, Hed.  But two more weeks and we'll we back at Hogwarts."

Hedwig hooted sleepily and closed her amber eyes.  Harry gave her one last pat then walked over and closed the window.  Stretching, he yawned then made his way over to his bed.  Taking off his glasses, he sat then down on the bedside table then walked over and turned off the light.  Hedwig hooted softly and Harry smiled in her direction.

Yawning again, he fell into his bed, jerked the thin blanket of himself, and fell asleep.

_~*~_

_Darkness on the edge_

_Shadows where I stand_

_I search for the time_

_On a watch with no hands_

_I want to see you clearly_

_Come closer than this_

_But all I remember_

_Are the dreams in the mist_

_~*~_

A/N: What'cha think?  Should I write more?


	2. Sweetest Song is Silence

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Sweetest Song is Silence ***

_~*~_

_Is it cloak n dagger_

_Could it be spring or fall_

_I walk without a cut_

_Through a stained glass wall_

_Weaker in my eyesight_

_The candle in my grip_

_And words that have no form_

_Are falling from my lips_

_~*~_

Two weeks later Harry was being driven down to King's Cross.  He had convinced Uncle Vernon to drive him there by commenting on how angry his godfather would be if he didn't get to Hogwarts.  Uncle Vernon's face had turned a lovely shade of violet and then he had gruffly told Harry to be ready at six o' clock sharp.

So now here he was, heading for his fifth year at Hogwarts.  Uncle Vernon had (not too kindly) put his trunk on a trolley then hurriedly driven off.  Harry placed Hedwig's cage on top of his trunk then headed in the direction of Platform 9 ¾.  As soon as he passed through the barrier something smacked into his chest and hugged him tightly.

"Hermione!  Geroff!"

Hermione ignored him and continued to hug him.  She cried, "Harry!  I was so worried about you!  Professor Dumbledore told me not to write but I almost did I was so worried!"

Harry patted her shoulder and said, "Thanks, Herm, but as you can see I'm fine.  But do you have to hug me so hard?  I kind of need those ribs you're bruising."

"Oh, sorry, Harry."  Hermione took a step back and looked up at him.  She blinked then said, "You've grown!  And your hair's longer."

Harry grinned.  Not only have his hair grown to his shoulders but he had also sprouted up from a measly 5'4 to a few centimeters about 6'0.  He suspected that he was close to Ron's height now.

"Yea.  Just a little."

"A little?  Harry, you're taller than Ron!"

Harry blinked.  "Pardon?"

Hermione blushed as she said, "Erm, I visited Ron over the summer.  You're about an inch taller than him if I guess right."

"What?"

"Harry!  Herm!"

Ron suddenly ran up and blinked at Harry.

"Wha?  How?  Your taller than me!"

Harry nodded and said, "I know."  He looked at the Hogwarts Express then added, "Maybe we should get on the train."

"Yea, sure."

The three of them lugged their trunks onto the train and into an empty compartment.  Harry and Ron put Hedwig and Pigwidgeon's cages above their heads and Ron threw a blanket over the minute owls cage to muffle his twittering.

A few minutes later Hermione was buried in _Hogwarts, A History_ and Ron and Harry had begun a game of Exploding Snap.

************************

A few hours later they were walked down the halls to their dorms.  The Sorting Ceremony had went well (except for the part where almost everyone had panicked when Dumbledore had told them Voldemort had returned) and the Welcoming Feast was wonderful as usual.

Harry and Ron were talking about Quidditch as they lagged along behind the group of scattered fifth and fourth years.  As they passed the Slytherins on their way to the dungeon, Professor Snape, who was heading in the same direction as his students as his rooms were in the dungeons, glared at them.  His glare fell to a shocked expression when his eyes fell on Harry but that was replaced quickly by a sneer as Harry looked at him.  In a swirl of black robes he turned away.

Harry blinked then look at Ron, who looked just as surprised.

"What was that about?"

Ron shrugged and they launched back into their conversation.

************************

Later, as Harry lay in his four posted bed listening to Ron and Neville's snores, he pondered over why Professor Snape had looked at him.  Harry swore the Potions Master had looked – of all things – surprised.  Was it his hair?

Idly, Harry reached up and fingered a lock of his long hair.  It _did_ look like he was trying to imitate the dreary professor but anyone who really thought about it would find that insane.  Harry and Snape had never liked each other, not since that first Potions class.

Sighing Harry rolled over and pulled his blanket up over his shoulder.  In a few moments he was asleep, his dreams rolling with the memory of a beating Uncle Vernon had given him over the summer.  Dream-Uncle Vernon then changed into Voldemort, who laughed and fired _Avada Kedavra_ at him.

Harry shot awake, dark hair flying about his face.  He had not woken anyone as he had trained himself over the summer not to cry out from his nightmares.  Instead he drew his knees up to his chest and looked out the window at the glowing sliver of the crescent moon.

_~*~_

_The sweetest song is silence_

_That I've ever heard_

_Funny how your feet_

_In dreams never touch the earth_

_In a wood full of princes_

_Freedom is a kiss_

_But the prince hides his face_

_From the dreams in the mist_

_~*~_


	3. Caught Me Off Guard

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Caught Me Off Guard ***

_~*~_

_I would walk home every evening_

_Through the pyramids of light_

_I would feed myself on silence_

_Wash it down with empty nights_

_Then your innocent distractions_

_Hit me so hard_

_My emotional reaction_

_Caught me off guard_

_~*~_

The next morning Harry stumbled into the Great Hall extremely late.  He had dark circles under his eyes, which were a drab looking green, and his hair was wilder than usual.  As he sat down beside Ron, dropping his bag with a loud _THUMP_, the red-haired boy said, "You look like you went one-on-one with Crookshanks."

Harry rubbed at his eyes and mumbled, "Couldn't sleep."

Hermione looked worriedly at him from her seat across the table.  She asked, "Dreams?"

Harry gave a harsh bark of laughter and growled, "Nightmares."

Ron winced and Hermione frowned.  They both knew that Harry's scar linked him to Voldemort and he often had dreams (or nightmares) that showed what Voldemort was doing or had done.

"Was it about – erm – You-Know-Who?"

Harry rubbed at his eyes again then folded his arms and laid his head down on them, his face facing the tabletop.  Hermione and Ron heard his voice, though slightly muffled, say, "I don't want to talk about it."

Ron began, "But . . ." but Hermione cut him off with a sharp look.

Harry sighed and closed his eyes.  He only looked up when Professor McGonagall walked by handing out time tables and then only glanced at his before burying his head in his arms again.  A few minutes later Ron was tugging at the back of his robes and said loudly, "C'mon, Harry!  We've got double Potions in two minutes!"

Harry mumbled something unintelligible and rose, picking up his bag and trudged out of the hall after Hermione and Ron.

He never noticed a pair of dark eyes watching him.

************************

Once in Potions class Harry pillowed his head on his arms again.  He heard Draco Malfoy's cold voice call from the other side of the room, "Not get your beauty sleep, Potter?"

Beside Harry Ron's face reddened and he snarled, "Sod off, Malfoy."

"Five points from Gryffindor, Weasley.  I will not tolerate that language in my class."

Professor Snape had entered the room, wearing his trademark sneer.  As he walked past them his dark eyes flicked down to Harry's prone figure and Ron muttered something that sounded like "Slimy bastard".  Snape stopped and said, "Five more points from Gryffindor, Weasley.  Care to go for ten?"

The Slytherins laughed while Ron's face turned a shade of red that was almost the color of his hair and the rest of the Gryffindors glared at Snape, who sneered at Ron then stalked to the front of the room.

"Today we will be making a Tessarii Potion.  Can any of you foolish children tell me what this potion does?"

Hermione's hand immediately shot up.  Harry could tell from Ron's snigger.

"Ms. Granger?"

"A Tessarii Potion is supposed to show you every person you are related to by blood.  If you put a sheet of paper in the potion while some part of you is touching it, a list of your blood relations will appear on the paper."

"An excellent explanation, Granger.  But I know for a fact Finnegan gave you that answer.  Mr. Potter, if you would join the class."

Harry lifted his head to see most of the class looking at him.  He stifled a yawn then brushed his hair back off his face, mumbling, "Sorry professor."

Snape sneered.  "Indeed.  Now, copy down these ingredients and begin.  At the end of class we will test one of your potions and see if any of you have gotten it right."  With that he flicked his wand at the board, causing a list of instructions to appear there.  The class copied them down then immediately began to work on their potions.

************************

Harry was half-asleep as he worked so Ron had to keep nudging him to keep him awake.

"Harry, you need to get some sleep."

Harry frowned and grumbled, "You try to sleep with horrible nightmares dancing through your head."

Ron blinked then turned back to his potion, which had turned a sickly green color.

"Oh, what did I do now?"

Harry yawned and looked at the cauldron.  "Too much besselroot."

"Bloody hell.  Wait – how'd you know that?"

Harry began, "Well, I . . ."  He blinked then softly said, "Damn.  I don't know."

Ron arched an eyebrow and said, "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know.  I just looked at your cauldron and some little 'voice' in my head said 'Too much besselroot'."

"Freaky."

"Yea."

Hermione suddenly hissed, "Guys, shut up.  Snape's looking right at us."

Ron and Harry blinked then saw she was right.  Snape was actually sitting behind his desk for once, watching the two of them with a piercing gaze.  Harry glared at him then went back to work on his potion.

************************

"Now, let's see which of you got their potion right.  Longbottom, you're hopeless.  Dump that mess and expect to be here tonight to redo that potion.  You as well, Finnegan.  Granger, you added too much klagairn.  Weasley, red not blue-green.  And Potter . . ."

Snape's voice trailed off as he discovered that Harry's potion was, well – perfect.

"Two points to Gryffindor for actually getting the potion right, Potter."

As Snape moved on Ron whispered, "Snape just gave us _points_?  Is this a joke?"

Harry looked at him and whispered back, "We'll probably lose them during this class."

"Weasley, Potter, ten points from Gryffindor."

Harry sighed and said, "See my point?"

"Yea.  Slimy git."

"Hngh."

Snape finished looking at the potions then selected Draco's to test.

"Volunteers?"

No one raised their hands.

"Then I shall choose someone.  Potter, come here."

Harry blinked then rose and slowly walked to the front of the class.  Snape had moved Draco's cauldron to his desk and he sneered at Harry over it.  Harry looked at him and discovered that he was only about four inches shorter than the professor.

"Place your finger in the potion, Potter."

Harry tentatively put one of the fingers of his left hand in the potion (he didn't trust his right hand to Draco's potion or in fact, either hand).  The red surface shimmered and swirled, turning into a mixture of scarlet, gold, emerald, and silver.

Snape plucked a sheet of paper off his desk and dropped it into the potion.  There was a tiny puff of gray smoke and then the sheet was basically 'spit' out of the cauldron.

"You may remove your finger, Potter."

Harry pulled his hand out of the potion and wiped it on his robes, watching as the surface returned to bright red.

"Return to your seat, Potter."

Harry quickly walked back to his seat and collapsed next to Ron.  Snape told them to clean up and they did just that.  As Harry picked up his bag to leave then the class was done Snape growled, "Potter, come here."

Ron and Hermione looked at Harry from the door and he waved at them to go on.

As soon as everyone was gone he asked, "Yes, professor?"

Snape sneered and waved a sheet of paper.  The same sheet he had dropped into Draco's potion.  He snarled, "Would you mind explaining this?"

"Explaining what, professor?"

"This."

Snape threw the paper at him and Harry caught it.  He read the names on the sheet, most of which he didn't recognize.  Then he saw one name he did recognize.

**Lillian Marie Evans-Snape-Potter (1964-1981)**

He blinked and reread that.  _Lillian Marie Evans-Snape-Potter?  What the hell?_

Harry read the name after that and came as close to fainting as he'd ever been in his life.

**Severus Sadiron Snape (1964-)**

And below that . . . .

**Harold Jamison Snape-Potter (1981-)**

_Oh God._

_~*~_

_It was nothing at all_

_Like anything I had felt before_

_And it was nothing at all_

_Like I thought no it's so much more_

_No one else has ever made_

_Me feel this way_

_When I asked you how you did it_

_You just say_

_It was nothing at all_

_~*~_

A/N: Mwaaaaaaaaaaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……  Cliffie's are my evil minions.

A/N2: Please note Harry's middle name.  I really like the name Jamison (and James _could_ be a shorter version of it).  I would have put Quentin but that makes no sense.  Anyway….  Ignore my obsession with character names from a later 60's-early 70's cheap gothic drama….


	4. Nobody Home

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Nobody Home ***

_~*~_

_Don't run too fast_

_Like a shot from a gun_

_Don't jump too high_

_And knock out the sun_

_Don't stray too far_

_Out on your own_

_When you finally come knocking_

_When you finally come knocking_

_There'll be nobody home_

_Nobody home_

_~*~_

Harry's POV 

This had to be a joke.  It just _had_ to be.

The potion was wrong.  Malfoy did something to it.  I know he did!

But what?

Oh God, what if its not wrong?

Oh God . . .

"Potter?"

I looked up at Professor Snape, who was looking at me with what looked like _worry_ in his dark eyes.

"Yes, professor?"

My voice sounded hollow.  Dear God, this couldn't be true.  _It couldn't!_

"Did you do something to the potion, Potter?"

Me?  He suspects _I_ did something to the potion?  I didn't even touch the damn thing except when he told me to!  Damn him.

"No, sir."

"Don't lie to me, Potter."

My eyes flashed angrily.

"I'm not."

"Potter . . ."

"_I'M NOT LYING!_"

Snape sneered and I scowled furiously at him.  He blinked at me for a moment then spat, "Get out."

I blinked now.  First he wants me to stay, now he wants me gone?  Working for Voldemort must've done something to his mind.  Or maybe it was staying in these musty dungeons.

"_GET THE HELL OUT, POTTER!_"

I blinked then turned and fled, the paper clutched in my fist.  The door to the Potions room slammed shut behind me and I looked back at it.  Uncrumpling the sheet of paper, I read it again before slumping against the cold dungeon wall.

It just couldn't be true.

Could it?

************************

Snape's POV 

Damn that boy.  Damn him, damn him, damn him.  He has tried my patience far too many times and now he does _this_.  How the hell did he know Lily and I were married?  _How?_

And how did he manipulate the potion?  He wouldn't know how.

Or perhaps there was another explanation . . .

No.  It couldn't be.  Never, never, never.

I picked up something from my desk and hurled it at the far wall in a bout of blind anger.  Whatever it was shattered and brought my attention back from its state of brooding.

I looked down at the shattered remains of what had been a crystal serpent.  Lily had given it to me for my birthday.  It was the first birthday present I had ever received.  My family was never one for gifts.

Tears pricked at my eyes at the thought of Lily but I forced then down.  I had not spent fifteen years keeping my feeling hidden for nothing.  But then again, I never could hide my feelings for Lily.

The tears flowed freely as I pointed my wand at the fragments of glass and muttered, "_Reparo._"  The crystalline serpent reformed and I sat it on my desk again.  A spatter of warm liquid dripped on my hand and I brushed it away.

I would shed tears.

But I would not cry.

Damn that boy.  He brings far too many memories.  Lily, that bastard James, that equally annoying bastard Black, and, of course, Lupin.  Lupin, who was the only one who knew that Lily and I had ever been married besides Albus.

Damn that werewolf.

Damn everything.

I sneered and locked the door to my class, placing a note outside saying all classes were canceled.  Then I retreated to my rooms to brood in peace.

As I sat down by the merrily burning fire a thought crossed my mind.

What if the potion was right?

What if _Potter_ was – **_is_** – _my son_?

Lily's and mine.  Not that bastard, James, but _mine and Lily's_.

Lily _was_ pregnant then.  I knew that.  She told me.  But she never told me who the father was.  I've suspected James all these years.  After all, we were forced to keep up that damned charade for Voldemort.

But what if I've been wrong?

What if I've been treating that boy, _my son_, like a god damned bastard for nothing?

I sank my head into my hands and closed my eyes.

Merlin, what have I done?

_~*~_

_Don't pull too hard_

_Like a kite in the wind_

_You'll break your string_

_When I reel you in_

_Don't take off flying_

_All on your own_

_When you finally come knocking_

_When you finally come knocking_

_There'll be nobody home_

_Nobody home_

_~*~_

_A/N: I think the POV's turned out quite well.  What do you guys think?_


	5. The Wolf

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** The Wolf ***

_~*~_

_The wolf_

_Prowling in the nighttime_

_The wolf_

_Howling in the moonshine_

_The wolf_

_Gives you what you want_

_but he ain't no friend of mine_

_~*~_

Remus' POV 

Can I tell him?

Can I really tell him?

How can I even think of doing this?  How?

God, I almost still can't believe it.  Severus and Lily.  I never would have believed it if I hadn't walked in on them kissing in the prefects bathroom in fifth year.

But they don't know.

No one knows.

Nobody but me.

Only I know the truth.

And only because it was an accident.

Lily was crazy, sobbing loudly into the couch when I found her.  She told me everything.  I was the only one she could confide in.  James and Sirius were too set against Severus and Peter – damnit, Peter probably would have leapt at the news.  That son of a bitch.

But Lily confided in me.  _Me_.  She told me how she had spent the last few days with Severus while James was gone on that mission for Dumbledore.

Then she told me that she was pregnant.

With Severus' child.

God, what if James had found out?  What would he have done if he had known that Lily had only agreed to marry him to keep Severus safe?

Merlin, he would have gone ballistic.

_Ballistic._

Voldemort wouldn't have needed to kill them.  James would have done it well enough.  He could do serious damage when he was angry.

Then again, so could Severus.

I sighed.

Dear God, I don't want to be the one to tell Harry this.  That the name of the man he's known for fifteen years isn't really his father and instead it's one of the few people he hates.

It sounds crazy to me.

But I have to tell him.  I've kept this secret for too long.

But I'll tell Albus first.

He'd want to know.

I'm sure he doesn't.

Oh God, what am I going to tell Sirius?

_~*~_

_I know you're trying to track me down_

_You're right on my trail_

_You think you're going for the big big game_

_But you're chasing your own tail_

_~*~_

_A/N: I love POV's now.  Their so much fun!  I can really get into the char's heads.  And the angst I've been writing in them is even more fun!  ^^  *chuckle*  Review please._


	6. Some Things You Can Never Choose

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Some Things You Can Never Choose ***

_~*~_

_Hey baby I'm talking to you_

_Stop yourself and listen_

_Some things you can never choose_

_Even if you try, yeah_

_You're bangin' your head again_

_Cause somebody won't let you in_

_One chance . . . one love_

_Your chance to let me know_

_~*~_

_Tap tap._

"Come in."

Snape didn't bother looking up from a test he was grading to see who it was.

"Severus."

Snape looked up now.

Standing in his door was Remus Lupin.

"Remus?"

"Yes."

"You look – tired."

"Transformation two days ago."

Snape grimaced then asked, "What are you here for?"

"I have something to tell you, Severus.  Something about Lily."

The muscles in Snape's check jumped.

"S-something about L-Lily?"

"Yes."

Snape ran a hand back through his hair and growled, "Well, on with it."

Lupin shivered and whimpered, "Oh, I'm not sure if I should do this now.  But you have a right to know."

"Know what, Remus?"

"Lily was pregnant."

"I _know that_."

"It wasn't James'."

Snape blinked.

"Say that again."

"It wasn't James'.  Lily's baby wasn't James'."

Snape's eyes had grown wide by now as he hissed, "Are you implying that _I_ am."

"You were her _husband_, Severus.  We all know that she only lived with James to keep Voldemort from killing the both of you."

Snape looked down at the crystalline snake on his desk.

"Yet she was killed anyway."

"I know."

There was silence between them for a moment before Lupin said, "You have to tell him."

Snape scoffed.  "Yes, Lupin, I have to tell the bloody Boy Who Lived that that bastard James Potter who everyone adored isn't hit father and that _I_, an ex-_Death Eater_, am."

"He has to know, Severus."

"He does.  Whether he believes it or not is another matter."

Lupin blinked.

"What?"

"Tessarii Potion.  I called Potter up to test it."

"Oh God . . .  Did it – did it say anything?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"That I was his father."

"Merlin's beard, Severus.  You have to tell him.  _Everything._"

"Everything?"

"_Everything._"

Snape closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands.  After a moment he said, "I can't.  Remus, I _can't_.  I can't tell him what we went through during those years.  And I most certainly can't tell him about – about – that day."

Lupin looked at Snape with a pitying look on his face.  He said, "You don't have to, Severus."

"And if he wants to know?"

"Tell him."

"Damnit, Remus. _I can't!_"

"You have a Pensieve right?"

"Yes, ever since she died."

"Show him in that."

"God, Remus.  How do I do this?  The Boy Who Lived is mine.  My _son_.  Oh God."

"You'll get through this, Severus."

There was silence again then Snape asked, "Have you told, Albus."

Lupin shook his head.  "I was going to tell him first but I felt like I – owed it – to _her_ to tell you first."

"Thank you."

Lupin nodded then turned and left the room.

Snape looked after him for a moment then buried his head in his hands.

"Oh God."

************************

Harry stared at the fire in the Gryffindor common room, the sheet of paper that listed his father's, _his real father's_, name on it clutched tightly in his hand.  After a moment he looked down at it for the hundredth time and read those names again.

Suddenly the portrait hole opened and in stepped Snape – no, his father.

Several of the Gryffindors stared as Snape said, "Potter, follow me."

Harry sighed and rose, following his father out of the room.  As soon as they were out of the common room he said, "Yes, sir?"

"The Headmaster wants to run a test on you."

"For what?"

Snape frowned then said, "The identity of your real father."

Harry snapped, "James Potter is _my real father_."

"I was married to your mother for a whole year.  We continued to see each other afterwards without James' knowledge.  You could easily be mine."

"So you went behind his back?"

Snape's eyes darkened and he snarled, "No.  Lily – your mother only married that bastard because she had to.  Voldemort would have killed her otherwise and then _you_ wouldn't be here now arguing with me."

Harry's lips drew back in a sneer.  "You're_ not_ my father."

"We shall see."

With that Snape turned on a heel and walked off towards the Headmaster's office.  Harry followed him slowly, watching the dark Potions Master with narrowed eyes.

************************

"Tamerain Pie."

The gargoyle moved aside and Snape and Harry climbed up the moving staircase.  When they reached the top Snape knocked and Dumbledore's voice called, "Come in Severus, Harry."

Snape entered and Harry came in after him.  The first thing Harry noticed was the other person in the room.

"Professor Lupin?"

Lupin looked up, his face gray, and smiled slightly.  "Hello, Harry."

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"To tell the truth."

"Pardon?"

"The truth, Harry.  Your mother told me who your father was when she found out she was pregnant."

Harry blinked.  He gasped, "It's not – oh, please, tell me its not."

"I'm sorry, Harry."

Dumbledore softly said, "Harry?"

"Yes, professor?"

"Though Remus may know who Lily said your father was, there is the possibility that she was wrong.  There is a test we can administer than can show up an image of your real parents."

Harry was silent for a moment then he said, "Do it."

"You understand . . ."

"Just do it, professor!  Please.  I have to know."

Dumbledore sighed and said, "As you wish, Harry."  He drew his wand and pointed it at Harry.

"_Parentela._"

A beam of dark purple light shot out of Dumbledore's wand and hit Harry in the chest.  Harry felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest.  But he clenched his teeth and beared it.

A few moments later a shadowy image of his mother appeared to his left, becoming more solid until it almost looked like you could touch her.  Her head barely reached his shoulder as she turned and smiled up at him.  Harry's throat closed up and he heard someone sob, but couldn't tell who.

Seconds later another shadowy form began to materialize on his right.  It was four inches taller than him and was simply a mass of shadows at the moment.

It then cleared.

Severus Snape was standing to his right.

Harry gasped and fell back against the wall.

Dumbledore removed the spell, causing the shadowy forms of Snape and Lily to vanish, and looked worriedly at him.

"Harry?"

Harry didn't meet his eyes.  Instead he looked at Lupin, who turned away from him, then at Snape – _his father_.

What he saw surprised him.

The man was crying.  Or at least it appeared he was.  There was no sound coming from him.  The only sign he was crying were the tears flowing down his sallow cheeks.

Harry couldn't stand it then.

He turned and fled from the office, running as fast as he could.

The last thing he heard as he charged down the moving stairs was his father's voice yelling, "_HARRY!_"

_~*~_

_Hey baby you know it's true_

_Why you bother lying when you know_

_That you want it too_

_Don't you dare deny me_

_Walk those legs right over here_

_Give me what I'm dying for_

_Once chance . . . one love_

_Hold me down never let me go_

_~*~_

_A/N: Tamerain – pronounced Tam-er-aye'n not Tame-rain.  And Parentela means Kin._


	7. Can't Tell What You're Feeling Inside

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Can't Tell You What You're Feeling Inside ***

_~*~_

_You've been hiding – never letting it show_

_Always trying to keep it under control_

_You got it down and you're well_

_On the way to the top_

_But there's something that you forgot_

_~*~_

Harry's POV 

No.

_No._

**_No._**

**_NO!_**

It can't be true, it can't!

I ran out of Dumbledore's office and down a hall.  What hall I don't know.  I didn't care where I went as long as it was as far away from Dumbledore's office as I could get.

He couldn't be my father.  He couldn't!  It's not possible!

It's a trick.  Yea, that's it.  A trick.  Everybody's decided to play a trick on poor ole' Harry Potter, the Boy With No Parents Because Voldemort Killed Them.

I plowed into somebody as I ran but kept going, even when they yelled "HEY!"  I couldn't stop, wouldn't stop.

He wasn't my father!

I fell against something, panting heavily.  Looking around, I saw that I was at the top of the Astronomy Tower.  Moving out onto the little ledge I looked down across the grounds, which were bathed in the light of the moon.

It was peaceful.

Then everything from the night hit me and the sense of peace shattered.  I fell back against the tower with a gasp.

'He isn't my father, he isn't my father' was what I repeated over and over in my head like a mantra.

But the truth was there.  It had shown itself in the Tessarii Potion and whatever spell Professor Dumbledore had used and in my sudden changes over the summer.

I slumped down to the floor as the words ricocheted around my skull.

_Severus Snape is my father._

************************

Snape's POV 

"HARRY!"

I tried to go after my son but Lupin, that god-be-damned werewolf caught me before I got two paces to the door.

"Let me go, Lupin!"

But the blasted werewolf didn't let me go.  Dammit.

"Severus, calm down."

"Calm down?  _CALM DOWN?  DAMMIT, REMUS, HE'S MY SON!_"

"I know."

I tried once more to get away from Lupin then finally gave up.  Fighting him was useless.  He was much stronger than me.

Lupin felt me relax and released me.

Big mistake.

I took off instantly, dashing out the door before he or Dumbledore could react.

Down the stairs, past the gargoyle, and straight down a hall.  I had no idea where Harry had gone but I kept on running.

I had to find him.

Before he did something we'd both regret.

Dammit, why didn't Lily tell me?  _Why?_  She told that ass, Lupin, but she didn't tell me.  _Me_, her _husband_.

Perhaps she didn't want to me have anything else to worry about.  I had worried constantly about her during those times; her, stuck in the same house with James Potter, the bastard who my son had to live under the shadow of because _Lily didn't tell me_.

Dammit, why?

I suddenly found myself at the door leading up to the Astronomy Tower.

Could he?

No, he wouldn't have.

Would he?

_Oh Merlin._

I flung open the door and dashed up the stairwell, taking the stairs two to three at a time.  Dammit, what if Harry had killed himself?  I'd never forgive myself if he had.

Ah, the top.

Moonlight, shadows, shape in the shadows.

Wait.

Shape in the shadows? 

**_Harry._**

It was.  It was Harry, sitting on the small ledge at the top of the tower.

I slowly stepped forward and softly said, "Harry?"

He turned to look at me with those eyes, the same eyes that have haunted me in my sleep for fifteen years.  Dammit, why did he have to have _her eyes_?

"Harry?"

Harry looked at me for a long while then turned his head away.  I took another step forward and said, "C'mon, Harry.  Come down from here."

Silence.

Then . . .

"I'm not going to jump."

I blinked.

"What?"

Harry looked at me and said, in a hollow voice, "I'm not going to jump.  That's what you're thinking wasn't it?"

I had to admit it was.

"Yes."

Harry snorted and turned his head away again.

I reached out to touch his shoulder and began, "Harry . . ."

He hissed and jerked away from me.  Eyes blazing points of emerald fire, he spat, "_Don't touch me._"

I felt something close over my heart and give my heartstrings a nice, good tug.  Damn, that hurt.  But what had I expected?  A big hug and then we're a happy family?  Pah.  Fairy tales.

Fairy tales don't exist.

Not for people like Harry and me at least.

We live in the darker bit of the world, the part no one wants to see.

Me, I was a Death Eater.  And Harry, he's the Boy Who Lived.

And my son.

_A Death Eater's son._

Dammit, how I wish I could change that.  Make life be a fairy tale.

But like I said, fairy tales don't exist for Harry and me.

"Alright, Harry.  But at least come down."

"I will when I'm ready."

"Harry . ."

Those emerald eyes blazed at me again and I was forced to relent.  That was my glare.  Dammit, that was _me_ glaring at me in anger, wanting me to go away.

But it was Lily as well.

I sighed.

"Alright, Harry.  Goodnight."

The emerald eyes narrowed and the voice snapped coldly, "Good_night_, professor."

That hurt.  I didn't show it on the outside but that little word tugged at my heartstrings again.  Dammit, my own son hated me.

But that was to be expected.

What else had I shown him but hate?

Nothing.  Nothing at all.

I had given him insult after insult, detention after detention.  And I never wondered _once_ if he might actually be _my son_.

I left the Astronomy Tower.  I couldn't stand to be there anymore and Harry didn't want me there.

He didn't want me at all.

A weight settled over my heart as I slowly went down the stairwell.

I retreated to my rooms.  My dreary, dark rooms in the dungeons.

My sanctuary.

With a heavy heart and mind, I sank into a chair by the fire.

Where did it all go wrong?

_~*~_

_I can't tell you what you're feeling inside_

_I can't sell you what you don't want to buy_

_Something's missing and you got to_

_Look back on your life_

_You know something here just ain't right_

_~*~_


	8. Shooting in the Dark

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** Shooting in the Dark***

_~*~_

_Caught you in the act – can't put up with that_

_Messing where you shouldn't be_

_I wanna hear you say you're sorry_

_Cause nobody takes advantage of me_

_~*~_

Harry wandered into the Gryffindor common room at almost one in the morning and found a bleary-eyed Hermione and Ron sitting in front of the fire.  They had obviously been waiting on him.

"Harry?"

Hermione rose from her seat and walked towards him but he took a step back.  She stopped and watched him with sad brown eyes.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

Harry shook his head and choked out, "Nothing's wrong, Herm.  Nothing at all."

Hermione reached out to touch his shoulder as she began, "Harry . . ."

Harry jerked back from her hand and hissed, "Don't.  Don't _touch me._"

Tears pricked at the corners of Hermione's eyes and Harry kicked himself mentally.

Ron rose from his chair and said, "Harry, mate."

Harry looked at him and saw a crumpled piece of paper in his friend's hand.  A paper that looked startlingly familiar.

Then it hit him.

_Oh shit._

"Ron . . ."

"Couldn't tell us the truth?  Couldn't stand it?"

Harry choked out, "Ron, please.  I didn't know."

Ron rolled his eyes and spat, "Sure you didn't."

Harry clenched his hands and growled, "I didn't!  Ron, you've got to believe me!"

"Why should I?" asked Ron, stubbornly.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, RON!  WHY WOULD I LIE TO YOU?"

Ron frowned at him and muttered, "You've done it before."

Harry forced down tears that were threatening to rise.  It was too much, too much in one night.

"Ron, please.  I _swear_ I didn't know."

Ron looked at him skeptically and Hermione asked, "What are you two talking about?"

"Here."

Ron shoved the sheet of paper into Hermione's hands and she blinked.

"What?  Ron?  Oh my God . . ."  She looked up at Harry and their eyes locked.  Her's blurred with tears as she said, "Oh Harry . . ."

Harry turned away from her and glared at Ron.  He said slowly, "If you think for _one moment_ that I knew about this, you're damn wrong.  And if you're going to blame me for not knowing, then _DAMN YOU!!_"  With that Harry turned on a heel and stormed up the steps to the boy's dorm.  The door slammed behind him and Hermione winced.  She turned to Ron and said, "Ron . . ."

Ron shook his head and turned away from her, returning to his seat by the fire.

Hermione looked after him, the tears that had blurred her eyes before now falling.

************************

The next morning Harry and Ron avoided each other like the plague.  Hermione didn't try to force them to apologize.  She didn't feel Harry needed to.

After all, Ron had been the one to accuse Harry, not the other way around.

Their first class that day was Transfiguration.  Harry sat in the back, his head turned away towards the wall.  Ron sat directly at the front, not looking back once, and Hermione sat beside Harry.  She was too angry at Ron at the moment.

"Harry?"

Harry turned his head toward her and asked in a hollow voice, "What is it, Herm?"

"I – I just wanted to know if you're okay."

Harry laughed harshly and Hermione winced.

"No, Herm.  I am _far_ from being okay."

They had not talked any after that and did not speak again until lunch.

************************

At lunch Harry had the misfortune to run straight into Snape as the Potions Master left the hall.

The older man blinked and said, "Harry.  Harry, I have to talk to you."

Harry glared up at him and snarled, "Well, I don't want to talk to you, _professor_."

Snape frowned and said, "Harry . . ."

"No."

"Harry, just for a moment.  Please."

Harry's eyes narrowed and he spat, "_No,_" then plowed past Snape into the hall.  Snape looked after him for a moment then cursed under his breath and walked away towards the dungeons.

Hermione watched all this and felt sorry for Snape.  The man really was trying.  She could see that.

But Harry didn't want that.

With a sigh she entered the hall and sat down beside Harry.  The two of them said nothing to each other and the only time Harry looked up from his plate was to glare down the table at Ron.

_~*~_

_You're missing the mark – shooting in the dark_

_I'm pulling the wool from my eyes_

_Baby don't you push me further_

_It's gonna hurt you if it happens twice_

_~*~_


	9. To Carry Me Through

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own The Calling or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** To Carry Me Through ***

_~*~_

_I want love_

_To carry me through_

_All the moments, I'd kindly undo_

_Locked away_

_So I can feel safe_

_~*~_

Snape's POV 

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

I stormed down to my rooms in the dungeons after confronting Harry outside the Great Hall.  As soon as I was inside, I picked up a table and hurled it across the room.  It shattered against the wall with a satisfying clatter.  Growling, I threw myself into a chair by the fire.

Dammit all, he wouldn't even _talk_ to me.

But what had I expected?

As I sat brooding the door opened and Lupin entered.  I scowled furiously at him, hoping he'd go away.

He didn't.

Dammit, why can't anyone leave me alone?

"Severus?"

I lifted my eyes to look into Lupin's gray and spat, "Lupin."

He winced.  I only call him Lupin around students and when I am angry.

"Severus, you have to give him some time."

I arched an eyebrow.

"Who?"

Lupin frowned at me and replied, "You know who I'm talking about, Severus."

"I'm sad to say I don't."

"Harry, you ass!"

I frowned now.  It was unlike Lupin to curse.

"What about Harry?"

"I saw you two run into each other outside the Hall.  You're pushing too hard, Severus.  You have to give him time to adjust to this."

I looked stonily at him and snarled, "And if he doesn't?"

Lupin frowned and replied, "Just let him adjust, Severus."

I scowled at him.

But he was right.  Dammit, why is the werewolf always right?

If I pushed Harry too hard to accept me, he might never do so.  But then again, if I _didn't_ push him, he might not accept me anyway.

Not a real win-win situation.

"Fine.  I'll let him adjust."

Lupin nodded.

"That's all I ask, Severus."

I growled something unintelligible and turned my chair away from him.  He obviously took the hint because he left a moment later.

Sighing, I leaned back into the chair, closing my eyes.

What if Harry never accepted the truth?

Would he go dark?

My eyes snapped open at the thought.

Merlin, no, don't even _think_ about that.  Harry would never go dark.  _NEVER._

Or would he?

Those questions rattled around my head even as I rose and went to prepare for my first class

_~*~_

_Now that I'm down on my knees, begging for change_

_Look down at the water_

_Before I jump in_

_To find that I'm sinking fast, in all that might have been_

_~*~_


	10. And I Know Life Ain't Easy

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own The Calling or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

**Warning:** Suicide implied in this chapter

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** And I Know Life Ain't Easy ***

_~*~_

_Well I would like to think_

_The world hasn't seen_

_That all the best is still to come,_

_and I know life ain't easy_

_~*~_

Hermione's POV 

Oh, for God's sake, why can't Ron get his broomstick out of his ass?  He's been acting like – like – dammit, he's been acting like Malfoy!  God, I feel like punching him – just try to knock some sense into his foolish head.  How could he?  How could he treat Harry this way just because his father is Professor Snape?  God, he's a fool.  He's breaking his _friendship_ up just because his best friends father is the most hated professor in the school!

Oh, and speaking of the idiot ass, there he is, coming right into the common room and sprawling on the couch.  Now he's glaring at the fire.  He doesn't even notice I'm here.  Ha, serve him right to get surprised.  The jerk.

I wonder where Harry is.  Maybe I should go find him.  It'd be better than sticking around here and watching Ron glare at the fireplace.  Perhaps I should tell Fred and George to play a few pranks on Ron.  Maybe.

I am going to go find Harry now.

I closed my diary and went silently upstairs to put it away in my trunk.  Ron never even noticed I had moved.  He never even said anything till I came back downstairs and was walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

I turned around and replied, "Out."

"To find Harry?"

"What does it matter to you, Ron?"

Ron growled, "It doesn't."

I frowned, my temper rising.  It rarely does that.

"Ron, you ignorant bastard.  Haven't you even thought about what Harry's feeling right now?"

"Very smug, most likely."

_SMACK._

My hand made a satisfying clap as it hit Ron's cheek and he stared at him as my hand stood out in livid red on his cheek.

I snarled, "You know, Ron, its not nice to judge people.  Especially not Harry!  He won't even _talk_ to Professor Snape, so I don't think he's too happen about the news."

"How do you know that?"

"I just happened to be standing outside the Great Hall with Professor Snape tried to talk to Harry.  He basically told him to shove off."

"_What?_"

"You heard me.  So you go and apologize to your friend or I swear to _God_ I will make your life a living Hell."

Ron stared at me and I took that moment to turn on my heel and leave.  Ha ha, bet he hadn't expected that.  Hermione Granger, losing her temper.  Ah, now _that's_ a sight.

I laughed to myself then stopped as soon as I found I was outside an empty classroom.  Inside I could hear muffled sobs.  Moving closer to the door, I listened for a moment then gently pushed it open.  Peeking around, I saw something that made my eyes widen in horror.

Harry sat curled into a ball in a corner of the room, sobs wracking his form.  His long hair nearly completely hid his face but I could see flashes of red across it.

Oh God.

He's tried to kill himself.

I moved into the room and walked over to him.  He never even looked up and I knelt down beside him and gently pushed his hair back from his tear-streaked and bloody face.

Oh, Harry.  Why?  Why would you want to do this?

I spotted more blood clotted on his wrist and had to cover my mouth in horror.

_Oh God._

"Harry?  Harry, c'mon, we've got to get you up to the Hospital Wing."

"No."

I blinked.

"Harry, c'mon, you can't stay here."

Harry shook his head, causing his hair to fall back over his face, and muttered, "Can."

"Harry . . ."

"_NO!_"

He suddenly threw himself away from the wall and began beating the floor savagely with his fists, yelling "No!" over and over.  I moved over to him without even thinking, not even concerned with my own safety, only his.

"Harry!  _Harry!_"

Eventually, his cries died away and his fist fell to the floor with a dull thump as more sobs wracked his form.  I pulled him towards me and he didn't try to back away, only wrapped his arms tightly around me and sobbed into my shoulder.  I ran my hands up and down his back and through his hair, whispering to him that it would be all right.

Oh, Harry.  Why do things like this always happen to you?

I don't know how long we sat like that but his sobs finally stopped.  As I ran my hand over his back he whispered, "He's my father.  He's really my father."

I nodded slightly even though he couldn't see it and said, "He loves you, Harry."

"No he doesn't."

"He does.  I can tell.  He even came and asked me how you were."

Harry looked up at me and said, "Really?"

I nodded again.

Harry looked back down, resting his head against my shoulder.

"I can't believe it."

"The truth isn't always believable, but it's the truth."

"Nice quote, Mione."

"I read it somewhere."

"Its nice."  Harry curled closer to me and I said nothing.  It was actually quite pleasant.

After a moment he mumbled, "Sorry about your robes, Mione."

I smiled and ran a hand through his hair.

"Its okay, Harry.  Just promise me something."

"Anything."

"Don't try to kill yourself again.  I'm not sure what I'd do if you succeeded.  And Ron would hate himself."

"I know.  I won't do it again."

"And give Professor Snape a chance.  He really does care about you."

Harry nodded slightly and said, "I know."

"Good."

"Thanks, Mione."

I hugged Harry close and leaned my cheek against his soft hair.

"Anytime, Harry.  Anytime." 

_~*~_

_I pass them sleeping on the streets_

_Their bloodstained hands and dirty feet_

_And I can't ignore them_

_Any more that I already have_

_~*~_


	11. The Writing's On the Wall

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own The Calling or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

**Lady of Arundel**  You're about to find out.  ^_^  *maniacal grin*  Yep.  I am, after all, the Keeper of Evil.  *chuckle*  

**nameless**  I think so.  Seems to be turning out that way

**Dark Wolf**  Ah, but Hermie wouldn't do that.  And Atrata's pushing for a good ending.  *glares at her muse, who sticks out his tongue*

**still have no name**  Not really.  I keep listening to the two voices in my head (my oh-so-helpful muses) and one says 'Kill Dumbledore!' and the other says 'Hey!  Let's make Harry suicidal!'.  I just happened to listen to both.  *sheepish grin*

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** The Writing's On the Wall ***

_~*~_

_Look around, the writing's on the wall_

_Don't you think that we're all feeling crazed_

_In a world, where nothing's as it seems_

_Paved with broken dreams, I found truth_

_My God, I should know you're right_

_I should know its right to say I thank you for my days_

_~*~_

Harry's POV 

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Shit, I _can't_ do this!

No, no.  I promised Hermione I would.  I _promised_.  Dammit, why?  I can't really go through with this!

Shit.  HERM!

I ran a hand back through my hair and suppressed a shiver.  Sighing, I pushed open the door to the Potions classroom, trying to ignore the scar across my wrist.  I froze and stared at it.

Hell, _why_ did I do that?

I don't want to die.

So why did I try to kill myself?

Dammit, this is confusing.

I almost turned and bolted but I gathered myself together and pushed the door completely open.  Sna – _my father_ sat behind his desk, grading papers.  He looked up as I came in and his dark eyes widened in surprise.

I nervously shuffled my feet and asked meekly, "Can I talk to you, professor?"

************************

Snape's POV 

I looked up from a stack of papers I was grading as the door swung open.  My eyes widened when I saw Harry standing there, looking nervous.

He meekly asked, "Can I talk to you, professor?"

I started to reply but the words got lost somewhere along the way to my mouth and my tongue decided to take the time to stick itself to the top of my mouth.

Harry frowned at me and softly said, "I guess not."  He started to close the door and I leapt to my feet.

"Harry.  Wait."

He paused in the door, emerald eyes turning on me in surprise.

I waved a hand at a desk and said, "Come back."

Harry entered cautiously, closing the door behind him and moving over to the desk.  He didn't sit, just watched me with _those eyes_.

Shit.

I coughed and asked, "What is it you wanted to talk about?"

Harry shuffled his feet then softly said, "I'm sorry."

I blinked.

"What?"

"I – I'm sorry I didn't believe you.  I just – couldn't, you know?"  He looked away and muttered, "Of course you don't.  You couldn't know."

I frowned and said, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Harry."

Harry looked up at me and said, "Yes, I do.  I – I –"  His voice trailed off and he looked away again.

I frowned at him then noticed a jagged, newly healed scar on his wrist.

"What –?"

Rising, I walked around the desk and grabbed Harry's wrist, turning it over so his palm faced upward.  The scar ran straight over the main artery and was fairly deep.

It was the kind of scar you had when you were serious about killing yourself.

I looked up at my son, anger boiling through me.  He was quivering like a leaf in a strong breeze, eyes wide on my face.  As soon as I met those eyes I melted.  Hell, it'd been the same way with Lily.

"S – s – s – sorry."

Harry stuttered wildly and turned his face away from mine.  Gently, I reached up and grasped his chin, turning his face back towards me.

"Harry, why did you try to kill yourself?"

"I – I – I couldn't h – handle it.  The tr – truth.  Th – that y – you were my f – f – father."

Something gave my heartstrings a nice, good tug right then and there.  Ow.  I resisted the sudden urge to envelope my son in a hug and instead rested my hands on his shoulders.  I could feel him quivering beneath my fingertips.

"Harry, killing yourself wouldn't have done a bit of good."

"I – I know."

"Good."  I frowned again and asked, "You _are_ alright with this now, are you not?"

Harry nodded.  He had stopped shaking mostly but his eyes were still focused away from my face.

"I'm – okay with it.  It's going to take getting used to."

I nodded.

"It will.  But I swear, if I had know you were my son –"

"We can't change the past."

"I know.  God, don't I know.  If I could, I'd sell my soul to have your mother back for _one day._"

Harry looked up at me, his eyes – _her eyes_ – focused on my face.  He said, "You really did love her didn't you?"

I nodded and replied, "More than life itself.  And she is the only reason I've protected you all these years."

"Why?"

"I swore to her when you were born, that no matter if you were my son or James', I would always protect you."

"Oh."  Harry turned away for a moment then asked, "What was James like?  You called him a bastard before."

"Well, he wasn't really a bastard, but he did make my life a living Hell.  Or perhaps that was Black.  I can't remember which was worse."

Harry smiled slightly and said, "Most likely Sirius."

I nodded, noting the smile, and said, "More than likely."

"So why do you call him a bastard?"

"How would you feel if you were forced to see your wife with your worst enemy and he taunted you every time he saw you about it?"

Harry winced.  "Oh.  He wasn't that nice."

I frowned in thought and said, "Well, he was.  It was actually partially my fault about the hatred between us.  But if it wasn't for Lily, I would have killed him _and_ Black."

"She stopped you?"

"When she could.  Her and Remus."

"Since when did you call Professor Lupin Remus?"

I smiled wryly.  "I always have."

"I've never – "

"Just not in front of students.  Can't ruin my reputation as a cold-hearted bastard, now can I?"

Harry blinked at him then chuckled.  "Of course not."

I smiled and gently squeezed his shoulder.  "Your sure you're okay with this?"

"Yea.  I just have to deal with Ron.  He seems to think I've known all along."

"He'll get over it."

"More than likely."

Harry frowned then added, "Erm, professor?"

"Hmm?"

"If you're actually my father, how come I looked like James?"

I frowned then shrugged.

"That, Harry, is a question to ask Remus.  He was the only person besides Lily who knew I was your father."

"Oh.  Okay.  I guess I'd better go now."

"Goodbye, Harry."

"Goodbye, professor."

With that he left and I sat back down behind my desk.  Opening a drawer, I pulled out a small Muggle photograph of Lily and myself.  Her mother had taken it the summer of our sixth year, when I had spent a whole month with Lily.  We were sitting outside under a gigantic oak, I leaning against the tree and Lily leaning against me.  Our hands were clasped in front of us and carved in the tree above our heads were the initials –

LE

&

SS

F

I smiled at the photograph and whispered, "Our son has finally accepted me, Lil.  I just hope I can keep my promise to you to keep him safe."

I smiled at the photo one last time then put it back in its drawer, locking it afterwards.  Sighing, I returned to grading the papers, my mind completely focused on my son.

_~*~_

_Sit down, lose yourself in thought,_

_Then you might find out it's all we've got_

_Take a chance, the future's in your hands_

_Make it what you can before your time has reached the end_

_~*~_


	12. In a Life of Our Times

**Disclaimer:** I own _nothing_.  Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners.  Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story.  Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge.  This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly).  I also do not own The Calling or their lyrics.

**Summary: **Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing.  But are they for better or for worse?  And what secret lurks behind these changes?  A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.

These Dreams 

**-Saerry Snape-**

*** In a Life of Our Times ***

_~*~_

_It was a day just like this_

_In a life of our times_

_Shrugging signs there's no chance for us_

_It's not mine to decide_

_~*~_

Harry made his way up from the dungeons to Gryffindor Tower.  As he came through the portrait hole, Hermione looked up from her place by the fire and smiled.  She asked, "How did it go?"

"Better than I expected."

Harry walked over to her and flopped down on the couch beside her.  He looked at his wrists and muttered, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Hermione frowned and set her book aside then turned towards him.  She laid one hand on his arm and said, "You were confused, Harry."

"A little too confused, don't you think, Herm?  I _did_ try to kill myself."

"But you didn't.  That's what matters."

Harry smiled and said, "Only because of you."

Hermione blinked.  "Me?  What did I do?"

"For one thing, I can now talk to Snape without hating him and I'm hoping to do that same to Ron.  Though if he still hates me, that might be a problem."

Hermione smiled secretively and said, "Oh, I think he'll be the one to apologize."

Harry arched an eyebrow and sat up.  He asked, "Herm, what did you do?"

"Nothing I shouldn't have."

"Herm – "

"How about lunch?  Lunch sounds good."

Harry shook his head and let Hermione pull him up from the couch.  As they left Gryffindor Tower he growled, "I am going to get you to tell me what you did."

"Did when," asked Hermione innocently.

Harry smirked then shook his head.  "Nothing, Herm.  Nothing."

Hermione flashed him a bright smile and he laughed.

************************

As soon as Harry and Hermione got into the Great Hall, Ron ran up to them, his face flushed.

"Harry, I've been looking everywhere for you."

Harry's eyes narrowed suspiciously.  "Why?"

"I wanted to apologize."

Harry smiled, his eyes brightening.  Holding out his hand, he said, "I accept your apology."

Ron blinked.  "That was fast."

Harry continued smiling and said, "Well, I've had a lot happen to me in the last few days."  His eyes flicked to Hermione as he spoke and she half-smiled.

Ron grinned and grasped Harry's hand in his own.

"Friends?"

"Friends."

Hermione laughed suddenly and said, "You two are idiots!"

Harry frowned at her and Ron blinked at her then both shoved her playfully backwards.

"YOUR IT!"

Hermione looked shocked for a moment then shot off after the two, everyone in the Great Hall staring after them in disbelief.

************************

Outside the Hall, Lupin jumped back as Harry and Ron rushed past him, followed closely by Hermione.  He watched them go and smiled to himself.

"It seems the trio is back together."

Still smiling he went into the Great Hall for lunch.

_~*~_

_Even when I was young_

_And the pressure was on_

_You always told me to do my thing_

_So what the hell went wrong_

_~*~_


End file.
